Funny how one person can be so right for you, yet at the same time, you’re just so wrong for them. It just goes to show Mr. Perfect isn’t always Mr. Right…
What tangled webs we weave….

Ahh how I wish I were back in Hong Kong or Taiwan. Or Bhutan for that matter. Walking through the city at night without a care about school, my future, or those who have a such strong influence over my life.

I hate this…why can’t you just…stop? But then again, why can’t I? ควรเปลี่ยนไปรักคนที่รักฉัน แต่คือ ไม่มีใครรักเราไง

I’m tired of just being “the friend”. The one who watches you fall for other girls, the one who’s heart has to flutter every time you look her way, the one who waits for you to come online every night knowing she should be sleeping, the one who means nothing to you.

Why should you always be on my mind when I’m never on yours?

I wrote this a while back. I’ve been meaning to post it, but I just never had the time.

And, still, at times, I find my mind on him. He’s gone, I know, but I still entertain those silly fantasies that we’d someday return to what we were.  Is it you who continues to take this toll on me? Eating at my mind, my… I don’t want to say heart. I want to be able to look you in the eye and tell you you have no place there anymore. But I don’t know if I could ever look you in the eyes again without breaking the barrier I made for myself after you left me so fragile. I’m so open to let someone in at a moments notice, to fill that void you left. And someone did come in. Only to leave again.

I…don’t remember when that was. But it made me think. And today,

There’s too much in my head right now. I wish I could puncture it and let all the bad thoughts bleed out, but there they’ll stay, until I can find something to drown it all out.

365 days ago, I wondered if I could ever live without you. 365 days later, I’m still here. I somehow managed to make it, but has the pain lessened at all?

Sure, there have been distractions. It’s not like I’ve been thinking about you every waking moment of those past 365 days. Just most of them.

I’m not proud that it took me that long to realize that I missed you much more than I resented you. I think I’ve finally learned to forgive and forget, because in the end, it’s not what happened that matters. It’s that we could overcome it. But it may just be too late. You’ve completely vanished from my life. I have no idea where or who you are now. I miss you….but I don’t know if you’ll ever know that. But I guess if it is meant to be, fate will bring my best friend back to me.  Until then,

Happy Birthday, Little Prince. ขอให้เธอมีความสุขเท่านั้น     ฉันก็สุขใจ

And to YOU, you butthead, according to El. xD I hope you know, you’re leading me on =_= and it gives me headaches. Make up your mind already! Don’t keep me guessing. =P And don’t make me do everything =_= I’m tired of being the guy. MEH <3

Goodbye Aek, quick&painless. I’m glad it was that way. If I had let the tears fall, they wouldn’t have stopped. We’ll see each other again k?

Wow I haven’t been on here in a while. Life has been crazy. It’s like we never have any free time, and yet, we have no idea what we spend our time doing. The days drag on and on, but then WHAM….where did first semester go? I have another 5 months before everything changes. It’s almost like it can’t come soon enough, but I haven’t been taking the time to enjoy what’s passing by.
Sadly, I think the only thing I really enjoy doing nowadays is yearbook. I know, freakishly yerd of me, but there’s something soothing in the InDesign pages.

I fucking miss you.

But I’ll never let you know.

How is it that no matter how hectic or busy a day is, it always feels empty at the end? When I reflect on what I’ve accomplished day after day, it all means nothing. Since when did life become this mundane? I’ve become entirely apathetic about everything. I cease to hope; I no longer fight with myself to get up every morning because I just couldn’t care less anymore. So I go to school. Then I come home. Then I sleep. I’m not looking into the future, hoping it will get better. I’m not looking in the present to make it better. Everything is so short term. Although I dread every class every day, at the end it still ends up just passing by.

I’m bored. I have no idea what I’m doing. I have little to look forward to.

I just want you back in my life…

At the end of every day, you could make me smile again. Always.

But you’ll never be by my side again. You’re gone. In my world, you’re dead. If only you could be buried…

ไม่ลืม - UHT

ที่รัก…เธอพอจะรู้อะไรบ้างมั้ย
My love…do you know?

วันที่เธอเหงาข้างในหัวใจ รู้สึกได้มั้ยว่าใครคิดถึงเธอ
Days you feel lonely inside your heart. Can you feel someone missing you?

ที่รัก…มีใครเคยพูดให้ฟังบ้างมั้ย
My love…has anyone ever told you.

ว่าคนคนนี้ยังลืมไม่ได้ แม้แต่ฝันก็ยังมีเธอ
That someone cannot forget. Even in their dreams you’re there.

เปลี่ยนแปลงตัวเองมาแล้วเท่าไร เปลี่ยนใจตัวเองไม่เคยจะได้
How many times have I changed? And yet, I can’t change my feelings.

ติดอยู่ในคืนวันที่ดีกับเธอ
I am stuck in the past when we were together.

ไม่อาจจะลืมได้สักวัน ไม่ลืม ไม่ลืม ไม่ลืม
I don’t think that one day I’ll forget you. I won’t forget, won’t forget, won’t forget.

เมื่อเธอยังคงเป็นของสำคัญของหัวใจ
You’re still the important to my heart.

และอยากจะลืมได้ซักที จะลืมเธอลงเช่นไร
Even if I wanted to, how could I ever forget you?

เมื่อวันเวลาไม่ยอมลบเธอจากใจ ยังคิดถึงเธอไม่ลืม
Even now I refuse to erase you from my feelings, I still miss you. I won’t forget.

ที่รัก…เคยมีบางครั้งฉันลองตัดใจ ลองทำชีวิตตัวเองซะใหม่
My love…was there ever a time when I tried to cut you off? Tried to be alone.

ไปเจอไปพบใครๆให้ไกลเธอ
Or even been with someone to make me forget you?

แต่เหมือนใจมันยังดื้อไม่ยอมเปลี่ยนไป
But it’s like my feelings are still good, they refuse to change.

ไม่มีตรงไหนข้างในหัวใจ ที่ถูกเว้นไว้เพื่อลืมเธอ
There was never any intention in my heart to seek a time when I would have forgotten you.

เปลี่ยนแปลงตัวเองมาแล้วเท่าไร เปลี่ยนใจตัวเองไม่เคยจะได้
How many times have I changed? And yet, I can’t change my feelings.

ติดอยู่ในคืนวันที่ดีกับเธอ
I am stuck in the past when we were together.

ไม่อาจจะลืมได้สักวัน ไม่ลืม ไม่ลืม ไม่ลืม
I don’t think that one day I’ll forget you. I won’t forget, won’t forget, won’t forget.

เมื่อเธอยังคงเป็นของสำคัญของหัวใจ
You’re still the important to my heart.

และอยากจะลืมได้ซักที จะลืมเธอลงเช่นไร
Even if I wanted to, how could I ever forget you?

เมื่อวันเวลาไม่ยอมลบเธอจากใจ ยังคิดถึงเธอไม่ลืม
Even now I refuse to erase you from my feelings, I still miss you. I won’t forget.

เธอยังคิดถึงฉันรึเปล่า เธอยังเหมือนคนเก่า ยังรักกันอยู่บ้างมั้ย
Do you still think of me? Do you still feel the same way? Do you still love me like before?

ฉันยังมีเธอที่เป็นที่สุดคนเดียวของใจ
I still believe you are the one and only in my feelings

ไม่อาจจะลืมได้สักวัน ไม่ลืม ไม่ลืม ไม่ลืม
I don’t think that one day I’ll forget you. I won’t forget, won’t forget, won’t forget.

เมื่อเธอยังคงเป็นของสำคัญของหัวใจ
You’re still the important to my heart.

และอยากจะลืมได้ซักที จะลืมเธอลงเช่นไร
Even if I wanted to, how could I ever forget you?

เมื่อวันเวลาไม่ยอมลบเธอจากใจ ยังคิดถึงเธอไม่ลืม
Even now I refuse to erase you from my feelings, I still miss you. I won’t forget.

ฉันยังไม่ลืม
I haven’t forgotten.

::this song makes me homesickk  =(

I’d rather do four hours of math than one hour of college apps. But surprisingly, I’ve found that I could start my essays better if I do them on a blog. I guess it’s because i feel much more free here, rather than the professional style-ed Microsoft Word. On Wordpress, there’s no pressure, no restrictions, all creativity.

But I’m still running around with my head cut off like a chicken, searching for something to write about.

And somehow I confused the USC deadline with the Senior Portraits - to - Yearbook submission deadline -_-

so instead of December 10th, as I had planned, USC apps are due ONE DAY AFTER UC APPS !!!!

T_T

yes. i de-stress by looking up pictures of colorful cakes and marshmallows on google.

In Udon now. I love not having traffic -_- sleep all day, wake up to play games, pretty much do nothing, although the weight of SAT prep is on my mind >.< and in my bad…sitting next to me as I play Lord of the Rings on the ps2 xDD

Leaving tonight for a fun filled day tomorrow.

Get hair done in the morning,

movie?,

Sleepover at steph’s

and oh joy, here’s the best party!

college apps thursday

T_T

and i WOULD HAVE DEVOTED MYSELF TO APPS ON FRIDAY IF I DIDNT HAVE TO GO TO FREAKING AMPAWA

with people i’d rather not waste my time with

goddamn.

i dont WANT to see the fireflies -___-

i’ve probably seen better in COSTA RICA

aish. i’m going just to feed the mosquitos. wth.

pissed.

::what to be for halloween?

if i dont have any ideas, i’m going to be a tree -_-::

I’m only here because I’m procrastinating my Senior Sem. work. Mr. Curtis talks too much -_- i hate this class.

ironically, wong fu productions just wrote a blog about procrastination

xD

finally. the last day before a week of…rest…hopefully.

Golf Mike tomorrow! it’s been so long… T_T but this may be the last time I get to see them, my motivation for coming here in the first place.  I’ve probably changed a lot since I’ve been away from home. I really wonder what the opportunity cost of this investment was. What did I lose that I could have had? Besides money -_-x

It’s been busy.

I’ve successfully bombed my business test, stupid balance sheet. I just exploded my mandarin today. I totally made up characters and under a meat dish name, I wrote “pork fried rice”. I was reaching, I know.

I can’t believe it’s only Wednesday. By third period, I was ready to go home and start October Break.

My schedule is so packed I want to cry.

Oct. 18 Golf Mike Get Ready Concert

Oct 19-21 Go to Udon

Oct 22 College Apps!!

Sometime between Oct 23-24 Sleepover at Stephs? Get El’s hair permed?

Oct 25 Retrospect RISE Concert

Oct 26 Let me rest!!!

Oct 27-31 School starts again

Oct 31 Boss’s Birthday, Halloween, Sleepver at Mimi’s?, Mimi’s Birthday

Nov 1 SAT T________T

Nov 7 My 17th which I won’t be celebrating -_-

Nov 8-9 Go to freaking Khao Lak, a trip I don’t have time for, a trip that cut into the time I originally planned for my birthday, a trip that I’ll have to suffer through the company of people I don’t like. Again.

Nov 14-15 COLLEGE APPS

Nov 21-22 COLLEGE APPS

Last weekend of November: PARTYY for Mimi’s Mariana’s Ben’s and My birthdays / End of UC and CalState apps

save me.

._.

I need to go to Singapore.

nine hours of sleep a day?

you’ve got to be kidding me.

at that rate, i’d have to go to sleep at 8 every night.

yeah right.

i’m averaging at about 4 right now.

damn.

Oh how easily the heart is swayed. I wouldn’t call it falling in love, but when the things in your immediate vincity strike up a “more than friends” interest, it’s hard to be content with just sneaking glances every now and then.

No matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise, natural emotion always prevails. It’s been nearly a year since you abandoned me. I thought, that by this time, I would be immune to anything you could possibly do. But I’m reluctantly aware of the fact that I’m hopelessly attached to who you were. It’s like falling in love with an identical twin. The brothers are alike in all but personality. What happens when the one you love passes on, while his replica image remains? Do you see my dilemma? Every time I see your face, I see the same features of he who I loved, I see the shadow of who he was. My heart is torn between him and you. No matter how much you look like him, the simple truth is that he’s gone. I have to let go of this hope that he’ll one day return, and all would be well again.